Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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