i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
