I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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