I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
