even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I did not marry a roomba.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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