I think I am morally bankrupt
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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