Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
