I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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