the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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