Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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