Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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