Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
