If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
