Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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