accomplished twins. life is a go
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
