just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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