just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
