Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
