You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
