is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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