apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
