There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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