my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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