I wish I could teleport
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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