YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
