haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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