you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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