And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
