paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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