I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
