when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
