theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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