3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
