If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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