We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So here I am, sexting at work.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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