Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
vagina is talking i cant
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
