i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
