I can't breathe out the right side of my face
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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