omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
