Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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