can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
