it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
