it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
