Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
