you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
