I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
