I only kidnapped one of them. chill
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
