Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
