kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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