sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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